The Black Experience in Women's Soccer, by Satara Murray

Playing soccer for most of my life, I have seen a lot, been through a lot, and have heard different stories throughout my career. First things first, my name is Satara Muray and I am a professional soccer player for Bristol City Women's FC in the FA Women’s Championship in England. If I started at the very beginning of my career, this article would be about 30 pages long, so I won’t put y’all through that. But I’ve had quite the career thus far. I played collegiately at the powerhouse for women’s soccer: The University of North Carolina under the guidance of Anson Dorrance, Bill Paladino, and Chris Ducar. I won a national championship in 2012 and then began my professional career in Liverpool playing for none other than Liverpool FC. I lasted in Liverpool longer than I had expected myself to do so. I initially signed a contract for 2 years coming out of UNC, but ended up staying for 4 years. If you were to ask me if I thought I would stay in Liverpool for 4 whole years prior to me going, I would’ve laughed and said absolutely not, but that’s the thing with this game–, it is completely unpredictable. After staying in England for 4 years and most of my young adult life, I decided I wanted to go back to the states to be closer to my family and friends. I had been away from home for so long, I thought it was time to make moves.

"All of 2019 I felt like I couldn't be my true, authentic self, but this time around I was 100% devoted to just being myself and not letting anything or anyone for that matter steal my light from me."

I was eager to play in the National Women’s Soccer League (NWSL), NWSL for short, which is the top tier league for professional women’s soccer in the US. I had heard mixed reviews about the NWSL prior to me coming into it, but I was convinced that I needed to experience it for myself to really get my own opinion on it. Fast forward to February of 2019 where I had officially signed for the Houston Dash. I was thrilled to be back home in the states, but more importantly in my home state of Texas. I’m from Austin and so being only 165 miles and a 3 hour drive away from my hometown rather than 5,000 miles and an 8 hour flight, was a dream come true. I had been all over the place, and here it was, I was about to embark on this new journey and get to a good place in my career, I couldn’t be more excited for this new opportunity.

So much had transpired in 2019 that most of it was a blur. It was so much fun in the beginning, and then things started to shift for the worst and I felt myself slowly losing sight of who I was as a player and a person. I went from starting games one week, to either not playing a single minute, or not even dressing out the next; it was tumultuous to say the least. I had hit quite a few roadblocks throughout my career, but this probably had to be the most challenging obstacle I had to deal with. By the end of my first season with Houston, I was adamant on retiring. I had told some of my closest friends on the team I was done. I’m not gonna lie though, all my friends knew I was bluffing, but in my heart of hearts, I was so shaken up with my experience, that I thought I was better off not coming back for a second year.

"On top of dealing with a global pandemic, I was reeling from what was going on in my community."

During the off-season, the passion and love for the game started to come back, and I thought 2020 was going to be a good year for me. I was really looking forward to going back to Houston for the pre-season with a new mindset and mentality, and just starting to be myself again. I used the whole off-season to find myself again and it was liberating to say the least. All of 2019 I felt like I couldn't be my true, authentic self, but this time around I was 100% devoted to just being myself and not letting anything or anyone for that matter steal my light from me. Well, 2020 was...2020, and a lot had transpired...obviously. We had come into preseason at the beginning of March, not thinking anything more of the CoronaVirus. We started training, and within 3 days of preseason, we went into complete and total lockdown for 3 months not knowing what was going to happen next. But even though there was so much going on in the world, I didn’t expect what happened to happen.

"There is no manual on how to cope with these things, you just go through them and hope you come out on the other end stronger and better"

I ended up getting waived from the Dash in June of 2020, about a week before the first ever NWSL Challenge Cup. I couldn't explain the emotions I felt when I got waived. I wasn’t expecting it and it rocked me to my core. On top of dealing with a global pandemic, I was reeling from what was going on in my community. So to combine all of the things that were going on in the world, I was now having to figure out what my next move was going to be and where I would be playing next, and I thought I had just about hit rock bottom. There is no manual on how to cope with these things, you just go through them and hope you come out on the other end stronger and better. And that’s exactly what happened...after I decided to remove myself from the sport altogether.

Playing for Houston was one of the hardest times of my life and career. I learned a lot about myself as a person and a player. I learned that I sure as hell am resilient and can bounce back from just about anything at this point. I also learned that I wasn't defined by this one setback, though at the time it seemed like my whole world was crashing down on me and I didn't know what to do next, but just knew that I had to keep moving forward. I always heard about the stories around the league of players being traded or released without any forewarning, but not for one second did I think it would ever be me. Things always went my way for the most part in this sport, and now that couldn’t be further from the truth. I had to figure out what was happening next, and I had to do it quickly.

"I learned that I sure as hell am resilient and can bounce back from just about anything at this point."

I was without a team for about 4 weeks after I had gotten waived from Houston. That waiting period felt like 4 years. During the time I was cheering on my former teammates from Houston when they played in the Challenge Cup. I so badly wanted them to win because I knew the hard work they put in during pre-season, and knew they fully deserved to win the whole thing. Well it paid off, and they brought the trophy back home to Houston. It was bittersweet seeing the whole thing, I'm not going to lie. Part of me thought I should've been there basking in the glory with them, but the other part of me was too excited for words to express how happy I was for them.

I had gotten a call from my agent saying that a team was ready to sign me and I was elated. I signed with Kolbotn Women in the Toppserien, which is the top tier league for women’s football in Norway. It was go time now, and I was excited to start on this new journey.

"I didn’t fight it or question it, I just came to the conclusion that I was ready to step away and start a new chapter in my life."

I didn’t know what would come from this opportunity, but I was excited to see what would come of it. Plagued by injuries while over there, gave me the chance to tap into my other passion: film making and storytelling. For those that don’t know, I do in fact have a passion for filmmaking and storytelling. I love hearing people’s stories and envisioning how it could be told in a unique way. I decided once my season was over in Norway, I would retire from soccer and start focusing on getting into the film industry. So I started laying down a foundation while I was in Norway to make sure I was doing all the right things to land a job that fueled my passion when I got back to the states.

I came back to the states, and that’s exactly what I did. Coming into this year I started networking with people, getting my name out there, and that’s when I stumbled upon Aaron Dolores. Aaron is the founder of Black Arrow FC, the first ever platform to focus on the intersection of Black culture and soccer. When I initially spoke to him, I didn’t know what would happen. I just explained who I was and what I wanted to do and the rest is history. Through Black Arrow I met some amazing women and heard some incredible stories. Working for Black Arrow did two things for me: 1) allowed me to share the stories of Black women in soccer and 2) seriously reignited my passion and love for the game. Through these stories it made me miss playing professionally. I didn’t think I would miss it as much, but I did. I decided to act on these feelings, and joined a local team in Austin called, FC Austin Elite. Elite was a part of the United Women’s Soccer (UWS), so it gave me a chance to compete with and against some quality players. It was through playing with Elite that I came to the acceptance that I wanted to go back to playing professionally and full-time again.

Fast forward to June of this year when I got a call up to the Jamaica Women’s National Team who was participating in the US Soccer Summer Series. It was my first time ever being called up to senior team camp, and the experience was out of this world. The camp was just up the road in Houston, and we were playing Nigeria and the USWNT. Not for one second did I think I would be playing with and against some of the best players on the planet, but here I was, doing just that. As I got to camp and we started training, I quickly realized that in order to keep up with these players, I really needed to go back to playing full-time. That camp had confirmed my decision and I knew what I had to do when it was over. I can’t put into words what my experience with Jamaica was like, but being around that amazing group of girls and coaching staff made me fall in love with the game all over again and I was excited to see what was to come from this experience.

Shortly after coming back from camp, I finished my campaign with Elite and at the end of July was offered a contract from Bristol City WFC who are a part of the FA Women’s Championship in England. Here I am going back to the country where I had started my professional career. This opportunity means more to me than anyone will ever know. From the challenges I faced over the last 2 years, I thought my time with soccer was over. I didn’t think I still had it in me and I ran away thinking that was going to solve all of my problems. The reality is, through that adversity, working with BAFC and meeting some astounding people, playing for Elite, and getting my call-up with Jamaica, I knew there was something left in me to keep going. I have no idea what the future holds, but I am truly excited to see what this opportunity with Bristol will bring, and I’m excited to go out there again and just have fun with the game. I feel like I was given a second chance to do this right this time. And believe me when I say, I am going to do this right.

Who knows, the day that you run, might be the day that you win.

Guest UserAugust 16, 2021